Forgetting is a Beautiful Thing

Ok, so maybe forgetting everything is really annoying. I suffer from memory loss still from chemo. I forget what I’m doing in the middle of a task. I HAVE to write everything down. It’s brain fog. I’m getting better, but forgetting can be so frustrating.

So why do I think it’s a beautiful thing?

You also forget the bad. I don’t remember about a half a year of my life through treatment. I remember some things of course, but the day to day, little things that happen, I can’t remember at all. Which means I don’t remember those days when I was so sick or in so much pain that I couldn’t be fully awake. Forgetting that, is beautiful. I feel it may be the same reason woman have children after the pain of going through it once. You remember, you know it was shit, but you can’t remember the exact feeling.

Even better, I’m having moments were I forget I had cancer. Although still brief, I will be washing my hair and remember all the sudden I was bald. I’ll see my many scars and forget about all the surgeries and pain because I’m feeling amazing that day. My new implants are so (and I mean SSOOO) much better than the tissue expanders I had previously. My previous implants kept the space for the permanent ones through treatment, but were attached to my chest via basically little screws. Why yes, it was exactly as comfortable as it sounds. But these ones, I forget they are there. You know when you finally get used to a new filling in a tooth or a new set of glasses. Takes a little time to adjust, then all the sudden you don’t notice it again. I’m there. I’m feeling so “normal” I forget about that small fact I had cancer.

And it is so Beautiful.